The Cookeville High School Homecoming Parade begins at 5:30pm tonight and go down Broad Street.  It's also a TTU home game and the tailgate fun begins at 5pm.  That's when I plan to be there.  The game begins at 7pm. 

I am already depressed over the loss of Ted McGinley on Dancing With the Stars.  Jim says it's because no one knows his professional partner.  I am sooooo bummed about it.  And poor Toni Braxton looked super stressed over being the last to know along with Ted.  I was worried for her.  She was stressing me out.  Cloris is hilarious, Rocco is cute, but they're not better dancers than Ted.  And yet Ted's gone already.  Such is the life of an elf.

Jim found an article in the Contra Costa Times about a naked clown calendar.  You know, one of those calendars where you know they're naked but you don't actually see anything.  However, they're clowns in clown make up.  It's beyond creepy.  My friend Wendy said it best yesterday when she wrote me she would pay them to not release this calendar. 

The highlight of today's show was the shattering of pageant stereotypes when Lacey Campbell from Wilson Central High School burped with such gusto and strength that we could almost taste it.  It seemed to last an entire minute.  You can look at her in the photo section on the Magic page.

Kanye West has moved up the release of his 808s & Heartbreak album to "November something." It was going to come out in December.  Now, 50 has an album scheduled for release December  9.  Hmmm.

Officials at Rialto High in Southern California have been forced to cancel a freshman football game and move practice because of a fire ant infestation. The bugs are native to South America and a district spokeswoman says they have no idea how they got to the L.A. area. A groundskeeper discovered the ants last week and exterminators are working on the problem.

Many thanks to The Dog House of Cookeville.  They brought hot dogs by yesterday for the staff.  Naturally, all the dogs were delivered long after I was gone for the day.  But I hear they were awesome.  Lee has led me to believe that a wiener will be named in my honor.  I choose to believe him.

Choose Your News

A SUGGESTION FOR BEN AND JERRY'S

The animal rights group People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, or PETA, is suggesting that Ben and Jerry's make their ice cream from human breast milk instead of cow's milk. PETA's Tracy Reiman offers the idea in a letter to Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield, founders of the Vermont-based ice cream company. The group says cows are forcibly impregnated every nine months, to keep them producing milk. But Ben and Jerry's spokeswoman Liz Brenna says the company believes a mother's milk is best used for her baby.

THE RAT AND THE FIREFIGHTER

In Glens Falls, New York, part of a fire station has been temporarily closed to deal with a rat infestation. It was discovered after a firefighter awoke Saturday with a pain and saw blood and "two little spike marks" on his nose. His co-workers all agreed that a rat had apparently crawled onto his face and bit him while he slept. Officials say the firefighter has been given a tetanus shot and antibiotics and is back on the job.

or ASSAULT WITH A SMELLY WEAPON

Some people in West Virginia are calling it a case of assault with a smelly weapon. Police in Charleston accuse Jose Cruz of passing gas -- then fanning it toward an officer. According to authorities, Cruz was pulled over in a traffic stop, smelled of booze and failed three field sobriety tests. He was hand-cuffed and taken to the police station for a breathalyzer test. A criminal complaint charges that Cruz scooted his chair toward an officer, then lifted his leg and quote "passed gas loudly." Cruz says it was because police denied his request to use a bathroom. He now faces a charge of battery on a police officer.

Slanguage Language Quiz

GIGABUCKS

a)  owning more than one computer

b)  a lot of deer

c)  one billion dollars

C